The looming monolith that was Walmart stood out in the woods, parking lot and all, just waiting for customers to come and shop. Nothing at all ominous about it at all.

Just ignore the television headed drones pushing carts back into the store. How did the carts get out there when it has only just appeared? Don't think about it. Just... enjoy.

Aphra	Apparently the plan was to make a completely stealthy approach via rickshaw. Which admittedly was a much smoother ride than it otherwise might have been with all the newly asphalted roads about the place. "They'll never see us coming!" Sadly, it was impossible to tell if Aphra was being sarcastic or sincere.
Rey	"They have seemed pretty focused," Rey said, unsure if that was sarcastic or sincere and trying to cover all the bases.
Gray	Gray had considered pointing out they could just walk in and act like they were there to shop. It was a Walmart, after all, even if it was a weird creepy Walmart in the woods. But then he had decided that sounded like way less fun. "We need to get up enough speed to ram the doors." They were automatic, buddy.
Gonzo	"Do we need chase music?" Gonzo asked. "I brought some chase music!" Gonzo, no.
Buck	"I definitely think we could have walked here." Buck, that was logic you were talking about. Ridiculous.
Steve	"But then we couldn't race rickshaws," Steve pointed out, slamming down the accelerator to go...maybe 20? Blazing speed!
Gray	"Cue the chase music!" Gray yelled as they zipped along at top rickshaw speed. Much stealth. Very wow.
Gonzo	"WAHOOO!" Gonzo yelled, and hit play on a comically large boombox he was for some reason carrying around. Out blasted Ride of the Valkyries.
Rey	"We're failing at stealth," Rey called over the music, though racing rickshaws was surprisingly great? Just, it needed to be noted.
Steve	"The employees haven't even noticed us!" Steve yelled back. Possibly because they were not paid enough to deal with whatever this was.
Aphra	"This is it!" Aphra yelled so very stealthily, wedging the accelerator of her rickshaw down and preparing to leap free as it trundled through the automatic doors at top speed. She dramatically rolled away to the side, as the rickshaw gently kept rolling forwards, eventually stopping when it nudged into a display of Halloween candy. And promptly exploded.
Buck	It wasn't the first time Buck had rolled out of a moving vehicle, but a rickshaw was a first. Luckily this smooth asphalt was around because it would suck to tuck and roll on cobblestone. He did mourn the candy in the display for a second after it exploded. Those poor Reese's pumpkins.
Steve	Steve aimed his rickshaw at the candy corn display at but it didn't explode as dramatically as it did when he hit all of that grease in the popcorn machine outside City Hall. On the plus side, it destroyed some candy corn and the fire seemed to be inching towards the Christmas display that would definitely burn like the polyester nightmare it was.
Gonzo	It was also enough to fling Gonzo into the air (not that that took much force, he didn't weigh much). He let out a delighted shriek and then slammed into a wall, sliding down a little until his nose hooked into the hole he punched into the dry wall. "That was great!" he said nasally as he dangled by the nose. He hung there for a long moment, then: ". . . A little help? I can't get down."
Rey	Don't mind Rey heading over to carefully pluck a Muppet from a wall. As one does.
Belle	Belle had been hanging back (and not by her nose) but now she was stepping forward to check on Gonzo. "Are you quite alright?" she asked the Muppet. "Not injured, I hope? Though this place ought to have medical supplies I should think." Of course it did. It had everything!
Gonzo	A pretty woman was showing concern! Careful, Belle, or he’ll get a crush. “I’m not sure. Is my nose all there?”
Belle	But Belle wasn't a chicken! "It seems surprisingly intact," Belle confirmed.
Gonzo	“Oh good. It’s my most distinguishing feature!”
Belle	"It's certainly striking," Belle said diplomatically. It had struck the wall only moments before!

--

Aphra	Aphra brushed bits of smouldering candy off her vest and struck a dramatic pose. "Over there! Is that Darth Vader?!" Admittedly this was a more effective distraction when people knew who Darth Vader was.
Walmart Employee Drone Type	But, hey, one of the drone workers turned to look in a direction that didn't really make sense to look with that statement. And another trudged over to just sort of watch the candy fire.
Gray	"Hey!" Gray called once he had clambered out of his own rickshaw. "Have you guys considered the benefits of collective bargaining?" That should distract security. It might also get Gray banned from Walmart, but whatever.
Still Just A Drone	One of the drones was drifting back into the scene, not because they were interested in learning about how much worker's rights were human rights, but because they had a fire extinguisher in hand to try putting out the candy fire. Sorry, Gray.
Gray	"No? That didn't...I'm gonna steal a Squishmallow!" Were they real Squishmallows or knockoff Squishmallows that were being sold for $9.98? Gray didn't care. He was going to find one and walk out of this store with it, you wait and see.
Rey	"And I'm going to take... whatever this is!" Rey declared, picking up the closest thing to her, which was a family size bag of M&Ms. She was morally opposed to stealing, but she also didn't know exactly how to distract people without like whipping out a lightsaber and that seemed like an escalation. At least she could throw a bag of M&Ms if needed.
Drones Gonna Drone	One of them with a fire extinguisher dropped it, causing it to still go off in a comical fashion as both they and the other television head drones all turned as one to look at the group for threatening theft of such high quality products here.
Aphra	If you asked Aphra, now was the perfect time to escalate by whipping out a lightsaber, but since she tragically didn't have one she'd have to improvise instead. "Oh, no, in addition to the actions of these people I've never met before, I think Darth Vader is shoplifting hair product!"
Belle	Belle was momentarily distracted by the very amusing mental picture of these very odd TV-headed individuals needing hair product. Ignore her giggling. "And what about the books?" Think of all of those poor bestselling self-help books that might catch fire or be stolen!
Gray	"Quick, let's find some stuff that absolutely doesn't belong in the freezer and leave it in a freezer," Gray suggested, and then realized, based on previous trips to Walmart, "Wait, no, they'll never notice that." They weren't paid enough to notice that. "You guys should really be paid more," he told the nearest drone TV guy.
Walmart Drone	Said drone's TV head slowly swiveled toward Gray as they continued to empty the fire extinguisher in their hands onto the candy fire. They were just wasting all the fire extinguishers at this rate. Hopefully another fire wouldn't be happening here anytime soon. "Paid...more?"
Rey	"What you deserve," Rey tried.
Belle	"You are being paid, aren't you?" Belle asked. "Fairly? I'd hate to think you were being taken advantage of." Even if they were extremely creepy people with TVs for heads.
Gray	"What kind of benefits package do you guys have?" Gray asked, knowing perfectly well that the answer was 'lol.' "Do you get dental?" They have TVs for heads, buddy. They don't have teeth. Wait. "Do you have teeth?"
Droney McGee	The television headed drones all sort of turned toward each other as though questioning the teeth thing themselves. "Is that part of Walmart+?" Oh, they were so close. So close, you guys.
Belle	"I'm sure you know more about that than we do," Belle said. She, for example, knew exactly nothing about it!
Steven Drone-iverse	The drone who had spoken before visibly perked up. "Oh, you don't know about the many benefits of Walmart+? Everyone, these people want to sign up for Walmart+!" It was as if they had forgotten that they'd also set candy on fire and threatened various forms of theft. Now they were converging, chattering about, "Free grocery delivery!" and, "Walmart+ Travel!" whatever that was.
Gray	"What? No!" Gray protested. "No, we don't want Walmart+! I want a Squishmallow! I--" Wow, Walmart+ sounded really boring. He yawned. "Oh, no." Was he about to fall asleep on a still-smoldering pile of candy? Seemed likely.
Rey	Knowing what was coming there, Rey threw the bag of M&Ms at a drone's weird head. Real Jedi move there.
Belle	"Gray!" Belle scolded uselessly. "At least wait until we're near the bedding so you can lay on something soft!"
Aphra	Someone had to save the plan (and also Gray too, probably). Unfortunately that person was Aphra, coming in from the side with the steel chair a fire extinguisher! You're welcome for the thick coat of foam being directed your way, everyone. Pity Walmart had been too cheap to spring for electrical safe extinguishers....
Gray	"I'm sorry, guys, you know I can't--know I can't...control it..." Gray was trying to hold it together, really, he was, but--no, no, he was out. Slumped against the mess of half-melted candy and plastic and fire extinguisher foam. So, uh, who was gonna drag him out of here?
Rey	That would be Rey! Whose M&Ms bag had weirdly burst on impact and now left a tiny little candy-coated obstacle for the drones to navigate while she lifted her hand to float Gray out. You know, surreptitiously. For protection and all. With the automatic doors opening for him. Also, wow that foam really was everywhere! So if Rey did something like try to rush a drone, it ended up as a much less graceful try-not-to-slip-and-fall-and-die dance instead. (She was telling Anakin none of this.)
Drone-asaurus Rex	"Hey!" one of the workers protested. "You can't just leave with that!" 'That' apparently being Gray. Meanwhile, one of the other workers jumped aside to try to avoid whatever was going on with Rey, also slipped in the foam, and fell, hitting their TV against the concrete floor with a loud CRACK! "Now we're going to have to fill out so much paperwork," someone complained.
Belle	"You'll need a new pen, so you don't run out of ink," Belle suggested. "Perhaps you ought to go and purchase one?" And get out of the way so Rey could get Gray out safely.
Rey	Rey, helpfully, decided to Force push a drone in the direction of the pens- who knew where the pens actually were, they were over there somewhere probably- and thanks to the foam, it went skidding towards two other drones, knocking them down like bowling pins. Foam was now kind of a weapon, okay. Especially since everything was slippery anyway.
Uh Oh Drone Security	Finally, a couple of drones in security guard uniforms came wandering up from somewhere in the back at none too hurried a speed. "Hey," one of them said. "What's going on out here?" A stealth mission, obviously.
Rey	Well, since this has gone... as this had, and honestly Rey wasn't completely sure how to get out of it otherwise at this completely slippery point, she waved a hand. Weak minds all over the place here. "You saw nothing," she said. "You want to go do work in a stockroom. And form a union."
Walmart Security Isn't This Efficient	"Well, I don't see anything," one of the security drones said to the other one. "We should probably go...do something in the stockroom." "Hey, what's a union?" one of the other workers asked as they all started to wander toward the stockroom. "That sounds like something we should have." It would last just long enough for them to make it to the breakroom before they'd forget all about unionization.

--

Steve	Right, so Team Stealth Plus Gonzo was just going to...go this way. "Psst," Steve hissed, then made a series of complicated hand gestures about scanning the perimeter and spreading out that were entirely too much for storming a Walmart manager's office and also no one else here spoke SEAL.
Buck	Excuse you, Buck passed the SEAL test. He just took a look at all the structure and went "no thank you". But he still had no idea what the hell Steve was doing. "What?"
Gonzo	"He says 'scan the perimeter and spread out'," Gonzo said, because him understanding SEAL code was definitely the funniest possibility right now. Especially when he added "and to get him a bag of spicy snack mix."
Buck	"Oh, okay. Got it." Of course Buck would just believe the talking puppet. "Keep an eye out for those Boo Oreos." For some reason the fact they were orange made them taste better.
Steve	"They'll get your teeth all black," Steve protested. Because that was an important thing to talk about right now.
Gonzo	“What do they do if you don’t have teeth?” Gonzo asked. Again, sticking with the important details.
Buck	"Do you not--never mind, not important," Buck said. "I'll go left and...scan the perimeter." Whatever the hell that meant.
Steve	"Try to figure out what the manager looks like," Steve said. Probably a dude-shaped NPC with a TV head, Steve.
Walmart Manager	Oh, like the one surveying the store with their arms crossed there? Not that one could really survey a Walmart since it was all one level. And the aisles blocked most view. Shhh.
Buck	"It's one of those TV-head freaks." Shocking! "What's the plan? Should we tackle him?" Evan, that was not the solution to all of life's problems.
Steve	"Definitely!" Steve, no.
Buck	"Oh shit--" Don't tackle without him, Steve! "Watch our six, blue guy!" See he could say fancy military stuff too.
Gonzo	“On it!” Gonzo declared. And looked around for a giant, anthropomorphic number six.
Steve	Of course he was. "Get the rope out of my leg pocket," Steve told Buck as he put the TV-faced Walmart manager in a headlock. "We'll tie them up." Hopefully Buck picked the rope pocket on Steve's cargo pants and not the flash bang pocket.
Buck	"On it." Not the first time he had gone fishing through a dude's pants before. Happened fairly often in his line of work. And lo and behold he picked the right pocket! And he was so glad the rope wasn't sweaty or anything. "Just keep him still another couple of seconds." And see, this is where being a ranch hand in the past helped. He could hogtie with the best of them.
Walmart Manager	"Have you heard about our membership rewards through Walmart+?" the manager asked, for sure sounding like a zombie. Because capitalism, you see? The allegory was so subtle.
Gonzo	"Ooo, do we get coupons?" Gonzo asked. He hadn't spotted the 6 yet.
Steve	"We don't want coupons," Steve said, looking for a mute button or something on the head.
Buck	"Turn down his volume," Buck said as he finished up tightening the knots. "Or put on PBS or something." PBS getting a shout out from viewers like him.
A Now Worried Walmart Manager	Oh no, don't put on quality, public programming! It went against the entire ethos of Walmart! "We have Sesame Street toys in aisle--" They started today before the volume was turned waaaay down.
Gonzo	"Ooo, I love Sesame Street!" Gonzo said, turning around and missing a number 6 sneak by. "That's some quality, public programming!"
Steve	"They do good war documentaries, too," Steve said, shoving his hand into the manager's pockets and retrieving a set of keys. "Buck, tie him up."
Buck	"Already ahead of you," Buck said. "Nobody else is coming are they?" Surely nobody heard two grown men tackle a TV-head dude.
A Coincidental Drone	It was, you know, just another TV head person wandering on by and not even reacting to the whole hogtie situationgoing on there. But, by some weird coincidence, the screen on their face just had the number six on it. "Have you heard about Walmart+?" Yeah, this was... this was just a thing.
Gonzo	Gonzo turned to look and his eyes went wide. "There he is! Your 6!" A beat. "What do I do now?"
Steve	Steve sighed. "Good job," he said. He tossed Buck the keys, then went to tackle the new guy. They'd just...start stacking them up or something.
Buck	Oh hell yeah, breaking into someone's office. Real spy shit. The door unlocked easily enough, not that he expected alarms or tripwires in a Walmart office. And it...well it looked like an office a Walmart manager would have. That was slightly disappointing.
The Drone and Beyond	Oh, Steve, it didn't take much to knock them over, still asking if Gonzo or Steve wanted to join the rewards program was they fell to the ground. "We also now offer travel packages." As for the office... yeah. It was just your average office. The only thing that stood out at all was one of those Big Mouth Billy Bass on the wall just behind the desk.
Steve	Well, it might not take much but it was still so much fun operationally necessary! Probably! If you squinted? Steve was now hogtying the new person and sticking him next to the manager. "Find anything?" he called. A folder labeled "Secret Plan to Ruin Everything", maybe?
Buck	"Not real--oh shit!" Buck had spotted the Big Mouth Billy Bass. "I used to love this thing!" He looked way too excited about the novelty toy as he approached it. "Remember that McDonalds jingle about the filet o'fish?"
Gonzo	"I used to do a medley of that and the baby-back ribs song while juggling frozen turkeys!" Gonzo said. Because of course he did.
Big Mouth Billy Bass	Not to be outdone by Gonzo, the fish had to spring to life in order to sing, "Give me back that fillet-o-fish, give me that fish. Give me back that fillet-o-fish, give me that fish," in a jaunty way. Then just frozen in place to state, "There is no ethical form of consumption under capitalism." But it was okay, guys. He was right back to singing! "What if it were you hanging up on this wall, if it were you in the sandwich, you wouldn't be laughin' at aaaall."
Steve	"Well, that's just creepy," Steve said from where he was sitting on the stack o' managers.
Gonzo	"You're telling me! I don't even know where they stock the frozen turkeys in here!"
Buck	Creepy and awesome, Steve. "Well since this thing isn't telling us about coupons I say we take it and bolt."
Anti-Capitalist Singing Fish	"Fascism is simply capitalism in decay," the fish told them solemnly. Then broke into a cheery, "But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart. I just don't think he'd understand. And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart, he might blow up and kill this man." It wasn't the macguffin you all needed, it was the macguffin you deserved.
Steve	"Fine, but we're hanging it in the fire station and not the police station," Steve said.
Gonzo	“You don’t want to keep it?” gonzo asked, appalled. “You rube.”

[preplayed for all the ridiculousness this plot deserves~]