http://maxnotsam.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] maxnotsam.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] fandomtownies2009-04-01 01:18 pm
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Freelance Police Headquarters, Wednesday

Max was amusing himself by tossing a rubber ball at the severed hand of Jesse James, which was mounted above their closet door. One of these times, it would land just right and it would look like the hand had caught it. That would be pretty funny.

And if it DIDN'T happen, he had a gun to threaten the hand with.

"You know what I don't get, Sam?" he asked. "Kumquats. Are they, like, some kind of vegetable?"


[Flying OCD-free today. For Sam, to begin with, and then for the shambling undead.]
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[identity profile] maxnotsam.livejournal.com 2009-04-01 08:02 pm (UTC)(link)
Max had been biting that head when it exploded, thank you very much. So, after falling to the floor with the collapsing zombie and wiping the gore out of his eyes, he gargled with some mouthwash and started flossing the bits of zombie out of his teeth. As you do.

"There's ALWAYS more room in the closet," he pointed out. "Besides, I'll bet Leonard's lonely."

He patted the corpse on it's empty shoulders and grinned up at Sam, but the grin turned to a concerned frown. "Hey, Sam? Did you always have that big, nasty-looking bite mark on your arm?"

[identity profile] samnotmax.livejournal.com 2009-04-02 12:46 am (UTC)(link)
Sam glanced down at his arm. "I don't think so," he frowned. "I'm sure I would have noticed all the blood. Must be a gift from our new friend."

He couldn't help scratching it. Something about the seeping, pus-filled bite itched.

Probably nothing to worry about.

[identity profile] maxnotsam.livejournal.com 2009-04-02 12:50 am (UTC)(link)
Max shrugged. "Stupid zombies. Always with the biting! Freud would have a field day with that."

That was the point that he realized the exploding zombie head had left its lower jawbone embedded in his arm. "Hey, look, Sam! We've got a matched set!"

[identity profile] samnotmax.livejournal.com 2009-04-02 01:03 am (UTC)(link)
"You know what they say about Freud, little buddy. Sometimes, a thermonuclear radiation burn scar is just a ..."

Sam interrupted himself, abruptly, to fan himself with one hand. "Has the room taken a sudden leap in temperature, from 'generally comfortable' straight to 'prickly and humid'?"

[identity profile] maxnotsam.livejournal.com 2009-04-02 01:13 am (UTC)(link)
"Sam, I'm a rabid misanthrope. ANY room I'm not alone in is prickly and humid." He shook his head. "And, Sam, please don't say 'thermonuclear'."

[identity profile] samnotmax.livejournal.com 2009-04-02 01:34 am (UTC)(link)
"Does your bite-mark ooze something that smells discouragingly like gangrene?" Sam asked, sniffing his hand. "Gangrene takes long than this to set in, unless zombies have some kind of accelerated-gangrene-inducing abilities."

Speed-gangrene. When tissue needs to die, right now.

[identity profile] maxnotsam.livejournal.com 2009-04-02 01:38 am (UTC)(link)
"Zombies have all KINDS of superpowers, Sam," Max lectured. "They're super-strong, they don't feel pain, they can create more zombies by biting people, they can sew themselves back together after bits fall off..." Max shrugged. "I don't recall anything about gangrene, though."

[identity profile] samnotmax.livejournal.com 2009-04-02 02:03 am (UTC)(link)
"Maybe the gangrene is only temporary," Sam said cheerfully. Temporary gangrene. It was the new rage. That explained the speed of it, right?

Sam picked up the legs of the zombie-corpse and started to drag it in the direction of Leonard's closet. "Would you mind supper being a little early tonight?" he asked. "I know we just had lunch, but I guess temporary gangrene gives you an appetite."

[identity profile] maxnotsam.livejournal.com 2009-04-02 02:10 am (UTC)(link)
Max opened his mouth, intending to say "no thanks, I just had a zombie explode down my throat," but what ACTUALLY came out was "HUNGRY."

[identity profile] samnotmax.livejournal.com 2009-04-02 02:22 am (UTC)(link)
For his part, Sam fully intended to reply to that by noting that Max was always hungry, to the point that his stomach was possibly the only force in the world as powerful as his bloodlust, and might have gone on from there to note the futility of having asked the question to start.

This, somehow, came out as, "Braaaaaaaaaaains."

[identity profile] maxnotsam.livejournal.com 2009-04-02 02:42 am (UTC)(link)
Max took a shuffling step forward and then collapsed, twitching on the floor. When he stood up again, he looked... different. And when he opened his mouth to say "that zombie looks tasty," it came out "Mrrrraaaaauuugh!"

[identity profile] samnotmax.livejournal.com 2009-04-02 03:07 am (UTC)(link)
Sam's eyes were glowing a deep, vibrant red. He was covered in dirt and muck, and he had a sudden craving for brains. Braaaaains.

One look at Max told him all he needed to know.

"/We're zombies!/" Sam gasped.

Okay, it sounded like "mroooohunnnnnnughhughhughh," but that was totally what he said.

[identity profile] maxnotsam.livejournal.com 2009-04-02 03:11 am (UTC)(link)
"/I KNOW!/"

It was Zombese, okay? Just think of it as subtitles for the moaning.

Max leaned over, scratched his butt, and started gnawing on the dead zombie's arm.
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