fandomtownies | Caritas; Wednesday [04/13].

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Caritas; Wednesday [04/13].

Was it tacky to advertise for your big party on the weekend during your bar shift on Wednesday? Did Summer really care?

Because you could definitely bet Summer was going to try and tell everyone about that party, and, even if she didn't get around to it, she had a few ubiquitous flyers up around the place and smaller little print-outs advertising for the Big Beefcake Birthday Blowout Bash (sorry, Eliot; like a magpie, this one, but she did, clearly, improve on it), juuuust in case anyone missed it.

Look, she had to cover all of her bases. She was pretty sure she might actually die if she threw a party and, like, no one showed up. Forget parasitic brain eaters, evil galactic empires, the breaking of time and space as we know it....a bad party was, like, the most terrifying thing in the entire multiverse.

Wednesday Jello Shot Specials!
~BEEFCAKE BIRTHDAY BASH PREVIEW SPECIAL~

First One Free With a Karaoke Song
Or if it's your BIRTHDAY this week!

Pulsar and Quasar
Star Shine
Rings of Saturn
Green Space Goo

Caritas is open!

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"You know," said Summer, with a tone of almost relief in her voice as another instance of Annie totally just getting it on all the important questions in life, "I thought about maybe doing a whole shirtless aspect to the whole shebang, but if felt almost a little too...on the nose, you know? And I'm also, like, 90% sure the birthday boys in question will end up without a shirt about halfway into the evening without even any additional prompting on my part, so I think we might just let nature run its course on that one."

Another pause.

"We could do a betting pool."

"I mean, Gladio has been turning up at the Devil's Nest shirtless on Thursdays for like, the entire time I've been working them," Annie told her, "and I'm pretty sure it's Eric's doing, so. I will totally take that bet. Maybe we should bet on, like, the timeframe they're doing this in? Like I would bet it'll be in the first hour of the party. And is Shane a factor, too? I know him less well."

Of course Annie was a person who'd insist on calling Goose by his Christian name.

"Who?" asked Summer, because it was never not funny to forget that Goose was not actually his name. "Oh, right. Goose. Yes. Definitely a factor, I think the only reason he's actually kept his shirt at some parties is due to boyfriend-intervention. But, yeah, no, exactly what I was thinking. Place your bets for how long it takes for both birthday boys to lose their shirts, and whoever gets the closest wins. It could make things more interesting especially if people tried to accelerate or hold things off based on their bets, too."

Which was way too complicated for a party, Summer, everyone was more likely to just get drunk and forget.

Hopefully!

Look, it was just par for the course for Annie and Summer to come up with complex party ideas that wouldn't actually pan out thanks to the easier and more appealing option of getting drunk. Just think of all those little Christmas trees they'd totally put out at the rager for people to decorate. Remember that? Remember?

"So like, everything is fair game?" Annie checked. "Because I'm seeing potentially two of these people tomorrow and I'm not afraid to throw bribes into the mix."

Not that she had the foggiest idea with what to bribe any of these people. Camping...things for Gladio?

"Annie Whatever-Your-Middle-Name-Is-Because-I-Know-You-Absolutely-Have-One January!" Summer gasped, a hand to her poor heart that could very clearly not take the shock of this news. "Bribes? Well! I never!"

Okay, not even Summer (okay, definitely not Summer) could keep that one up.

"But, yeah, no holds barred. My party is a regulations wasteland. Do your worst."

"Oh, I will," Annie vowed, very seriously. Because everyone was going to remember this bet and the rules of it and all of that come this party. "I would honestly be disappointed if your party had, like, rules. That's, like, check you for pod person replacement talk. And," she added, because she could be a little smug here, "my middle name is Anne."

That's right. Annie was a middle-name weirdo.

Summer was about to say something about fucking her up with magnets and reminding everyone of that one time she actually was replaced by a robot for a whole ass month, when...

"Annie Anne?" she asked, blinking. "I mean, damn, Annie, I knew you were Midwestern, but holy shit."

"Um, no, but that would be kind of amazing. Rebecca Anne," she corrected. "I've just always gone by my middle. But now I kinda want to go by Annie Anne, like, in general? There is something charmingly stupid about that. I could totally release workout videos or pretzels or something as Annie Anne."

"I support this branding," Summer decided with confidence. "Especially if it involves you in overalls, a straw hat, and an accent. And, also, don't take this the wrong way, because you know I absolutely love you to death, but I can sooo see you as a Becky Anne."

"I do look adorable in overalls," Annie agreed, purposely flattening out her vowels in a very Midwestern sort of way. "And because I also love you to death, I will take 'Becky Anne' in the spirit in which it is intended."

She was just grateful Donna had never latched on to 'Becky,' honestly.

"So, like, backtracking alert -- also I wanna try that Saturn thing," Annie decided, glancing at the board, "but what happened with your AU kid?"

She had heard radio -- and, honestly, Naruto had been kind of hard to miss on the skyline for a minute there -- but a radio digest was not the same as hearing it straight from the bestie's mouth.

And lo and behold! The Rings of Saturn made an appearance in front of Annie.

"Right," said Summer, "sooooo....apparently, some other dimension's version of me thinks it's totally cool have a giant monster space baby that the government is using as a secret weapon of mass destruction in some space lab."

For the record, that other dimension version of Summer did not think it was okay, actually, and wanted to do something about it, but it was an election year, so her hands were tied.

"So like," Annie said slowly, taking her time with the shot (though it was already looking like a night where she might try the whole set), "I have several questions, of course, but the most pressing one is whether it became giant, like... postpartum?"

Like...there had be a giant ray of something involved here, right?

"I'm assuming it was an in vitro sort of thing?" Summer offered. "What with the whole," her hand danced in the air a little, "space lab thing? But the kid was only three, he couldn't really provide a lot of details."

"And his dad is a space monster?" Annie elaborated, still trying to suss out the particulars here. "Like, you know it's bad when I'm not even surprised by this? Three is a cute age. Was he cute?"

"Ohmygod, Annie," Summer gushed, "so cute, especially once we shrunk him down. But so drooly. Here. Let me show you some pictures."

And as she pulled out her phone to pull up the Naruto folder, she added, "And I use monster only in reference to his size. I had Barry run a DNA test. He's apparently very human, but the paternity was inconclusive."

It was actually not, at all, but Barry decided that was absolutely not a conversation they needed to have.

Same with the trace amount of horse in there, oddly, too.

Also, one could also definitely argue that Naruto's dad was a monster, but purely in the metaphorical sense.

Edited 2022-04-13 15:06 (UTC)

Oh, his dad was totally a metaphorical monster. And that's without any knowledge of the new season!

"Oh my God," Annie cooed, leaning across the bar to peer at Summer's phone, "look at him. I think most kids that age are a little on the drooly side? Or at least I always get drooled on when I do an event for toddlers. But oh my God, cutest, like, space monster WMD ever. I'm kind of jealous you had a little guy, even if he, you know. Didn't start little."

Summer beamed with a considerable amount of pride for her precious little WMD that she'd only known for a weekend. "Definitely a sweetheart," she concluded. "Loooooved hugs, which, I mean, oof, you know? Poor guy probably didn't get many of those. What did you end up getting?"

"Aww, poor little dude," Annie sighed, and if she thought about it just a skosh harder, she probably would have been able to conjure up some sympathy for someone she knew personally with a similar backstory, actually. "Mine were bigger -- or, well, older. Diego and I had a different version of the twins who showed up last year. But they're teenagers, so less with the hugs and more with the, like, trying to convince us their actual parents should buy them a car."

Summer gave a softly envious smile at that, the only concession she was going to give to the disappointment that had come with getting Mystery Giant Space Baby over another visit from Holly.

Fine, it was tooootally fine.

"So?" she asked, focusing instead on the important stuff. "Did they convince you?"

"Me, but not Diego," Annie replied, shaking her head. "Yet another case where my lack of understanding of sibling politics got in my way. And besides that they were just, like, hyper-fixated on not messing up the timeline by telling us about anything except Diego's future hair."

This hair was, like, the stuff of legends at this point.

There was a small moment, a small twinge of....something, where Summer wondered if shrinking her son before sending him back had messed up any timelines, but....naaaaah. It was probably fiiiiine.

(It would not be fine).

Also, Annie being the one to cave was the least surprising thing ever, sibling politics experience or not, so again, the real important things took precedence.

"Tell me more," she said, "about this haaaair."

"Apparently," Annie told her, eyes wide with how curious she was about this, "in the twins' future, Diego grows his hair out long. And has a beard."

Annie had a million theories as to how this came about. Hair-growing bet. Maybe a stint as an actual hermit. Maybe, actually, because of sexy reasons she'd already suggested to him!

(The real answer was, honestly, basically unguessable.)

"The kids last year said it, too," she added. "Along with how I look younger now than in their time but, like, that seems normal."

Summer's eyes narrowed for a moment at Annie's description, and then she nodded with approval when the vision managed to manifest in her head.

"Nice," she said. "He should totally get on that. And that's good, it would be weird if you looked the same, really."

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